All My Life I Had To Fight!

All my life I had to fight!!!

As a child I remember leaving school knowing I was supposed to get jumped by a group of kids! 

It scared me. I remember knowing all I had was me and GOD. 

I didn't tell my mom.

As a teen I remember feeling isolated judged and bullied because of the way I "switched, and spoke."

I feel captive to a slave mentality of trying to please everyone but myself. So much so, that I became the Master and the Slave in my own head!

I didn't tell my mom.

I threw myself in cage... laced with tears of forgetfulness. 

I forgot how to be happy and free...

Only thing I remembered was how it used to feel. 

So, I duplicated memories of actions of how I used to smile and laugh and performed them flawlessly in lifes new struggles

But my heart lashed out in anger.

But not a word could truly be spoken because I knew what pain was!

I dare not, at least intentionally, bring that kinda of pain on someone else. 

There was a time in my life when my heart first broke.

I cried so much the acid in my tears began to create trails of lighter pigmented skin.

Yet still, Id fight to show love and laugh and smile.

So many untold stories of rejection, pain, and regret. 

We all have a skeleton in our closet.

The only problem is my skelton still had flesh that exude a pungent smell of HURT.

It wouldn't die! 

I could still hear its heart beat. To the same constant beat its fist would make in the closet it had been trying to break free of all its life!

The incessant non-stop bounding wouldn't stop.

So, I finally, took all the bolts, nails, and chains  off the closet and opened the door.

And the skeleton laying there was ME!

It broke my heart... To see how for eight years I had held myself captive!

Starved myself of love of joy of happiness.

A Gasp of air... exuded! 

and Freedom, "O Freedom!"

 

I don't have to fight any more...

 

 

 

 

Brandon Thomas