When I entered college I had so much self value and focus. Every last thing I said I would do, in college, I did!
Post high school changed me.
It’s not to blame anyone, cause regret, or have a pity party. However, I allowed the doubt of others, insecurities, fears, toxic behavior, and other things to become “ME.”
See as sharp as my tongue is, I’m still very empathetic . So, I used that as a excuse to allow and rationalize their behavior!
I started to process other peoples emotions as my own. It confused me because I had no solution or reason in my personal life or enternal self as to why I was feeling that way. It made no sense. Yet, I still was harboring other peoples emotions or what I perceived to be other peoples emotions (whatever).
So up until this week…. I have been maneuvering for how I felt others were feeling. Feeling as though I had to adjust for what I thought would best fit their needs. I hated feeling like the bad guy, the arrogant kid, the one who thought he was better than anyone else. So, I constantly adjusted my own happiness and desires cause I didn’t want someone else to feel bad. Similar to “The Need To Please” but more so “The Need To Not Hurt”…
I didn’t care if you were excited… I just didn’t want you feeling bad….
And that caused me to BREAK MYSELF… break myself in their turmoil, insecurity, piss poor communication, and everything else…. (and none of, none of that was me) “Which is why I couldn’t find a solution…. AGAIN… it wasn’t me!!!!
So,I say this to say …. I just might have been better than them… not as human. But because of character, heart, vulnerability, and self reflection (maybe too much). Plus, I look damn good! You see it…
Its okay to be “Full of myself!”
Only in Humility. Cause when you are full… giving doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t break you…
AND I REFUSE TO BREAK OVER THOSE TYPES OF SITUATIONS AGAIN….
RESPECT THE CROWN
“A Stone Cold Fox”